Source: The Smirking Chimp.
You have to hand it to the Republicans. Seriously. You have to. If not, they’ll beat and belittle you, take whatever you have, anyway, and then insist you never had it in the first place.
The nicest thing I can say about the current crop of GOP (Grinches On Parade) ideologues is that they’re consistent. With America currently in the shape of an ER patient on a crash cart, Republican politicos still spew their psychotic Bizarro World views; sort of a fragmented funhouse mirror reflection of their already distorted priorities. Up is down. Right is wrong. And if you feel life has you by the short hairs, you’re not seeing life the way they do – so it’s all your fault.
Take the current collapse of Detroit’s auto making industry. In the Republican view, it’s not the companies that caused the crisis, it’s the greedy union workers who wanted to, damn them to Hell, earn a living wage!
A group of Southern Senators put the kibosh on a vital influx of cash to the automakers because the deal didn’t require union workers to trim their salaries to equal those of non-union workers who toil at foreign auto plants in…the South. The Senators, led by Foghorn Leghorn flimflammers extraordinaire Richard Shelby of Alabama and David Vitter of Louisiana, used very quaint language to try to disguise their union-busting bid.
Declared Vitter, “Negotiations on a real restructuring plan failed for one reason only: The union and the Democratic leadership wouldn’t agree to any wage concessions by a date certain. None.”
Vitter, a Family Values kinda Senator who has, in the past, had trouble keeping his little Vitter critter in his pants whilst around hookers, concluded with a somber, “It’s a shame.”
Morgan Johnson, president of the UAW in Louisiana, took a less phantasmagorical approach to Vitter’s problem with the unionized auto industry. “He’d rather pay a prostitute than pay auto workers.”
Now, all of this wage-cutting rumbling could be chalked up to non-political, altruistic reasoning on the Republicans’ part. They want to save the country millions of lost jobs, right?
Uh, not really.
MSNBC got hold of a memo entitled “Action Alert – Auto Bailout” sent out to all Senate Republicans by party leaders pretty much summing up the reason for putting the damper on any auto maker deal. It read, in part, “This is the democrats first opportunity to payoff organized labor after the election. This is a precursor to card check and other items. Republicans should stand firm and take their first shot against organized labor, instead of taking their first blow from it.”
These guys really miss the old days, when organized labor meant you got to hire your own slave boss.
So, let’s review. The Republicans are watching the entire country collapse on a myriad of levels because of Republican-spawned policies. Therefore, they’re bracing to make it as hard as possible for the incoming Democratic president to make any headway. That’s realistic, isn’t it? They actually don’t get the fact that the American people finally realize the GOP broke the whole friggin’ nation. What’s next, trying to convince us all that everything that’s happened over the last eight years was actually brilliant? Nobody in their right mind would try to re-write history like that.
On what can only be called, “The White House White-Out Tour,” Bush and his Bush Leaguers are taking to the airwaves to let us know that down is up and up is down. If we think differently, once again, we’re wrong.
Dick Cheney, doing his best impression of “The Penguin,” appeared on Fox News, stating with his Pottersville smile, “I feel very good about a lot of the things we’ve done in this administration. I think that they will be viewed in a favorable light when it’s time to write the history of this era.”
If it’s written by squirrels.
When informed that Joe Biden referred to him as being the most dangerous vice-president in American history, Dick demurred: “If he wants to diminish the office of vice president, that’s obviously his call.”
For the record, I don’t think it’s possible to diminish the vice-president’s office after Cheney.
As for Bush/Cheney trampling the Constitution, oh contraire. They were little patriotic angels compared to other rascals. “If you think about what Abraham Lincoln did during the Civil War, what FDR did during World War II, they went far beyond anything we’ve done in the global war on terror.”
New Deal? Meet Bad Deal.
Cheney also expressed some interesting views of the power of the Presidency, saying anything that the President does in a time of war is legal. “He could launch a kind of devastating attack the world’s never seen. He doesn’t have to check with anybody. He doesn’t have to call the Congress. He doesn’t have to check with the courts. He has that authority because of the nature of the world we live in.”
As for the War Powers Act, that little law giving Congress the power to declare war, Cheney sniffed: “No president has ever signed off on the proposition that the War Powers Act is constitutional. I would argue that it is, in fact, a violation of the Constitution, that it’s an infringement on the president’s authority as the commander in chief.”
In other words, laws don’t apply if Dick thinks they’re not laws. Welcome to the United States of Cheney’s head.
Earlier in the week, Cheney told ABC that waterboarding isn’t torture, he approved of it and the Iraq war was “worth it” because Saddam Hussein was “a bad actor.”
Lord knows what Cheney would do to Pauley Shore.
Not to be outdone in terms of Grim Fairy Tales, Condi Rice made her twentieth appearance on “Meet the Press” this week, where she, basically, gave the same interview she’d given nineteen times before. It was fascinating stuff, in a “bug trapped in amber” sort of way.
Among her greatest hits: “I certainly think the United States views the — that the world views the United States as a place to be respected. All over the world, David, our values are respected; who we are, a place that you can come and come from modest circumstances to great things, that’s respected. What we’ve done hasn’t always been liked or popular.
“But if you look at some of the most populous places in the world -China, India — the United States is not only respected but, in fact, popular.
“So, yes, there are some places that have had real quarrels with our policies, but I think the United States is very well-respected worldwide.”
If that world is DisneyWorld and the spokespeople are Goofy and Dopey.
She somehow equated America’s lack of timely response to genocide in Darfur and Rwanda with our “success” in Iraq. “…I will say that we’ve also been engaged in activities that have protected innocent people. Look at Saddam Hussein’s record of, really, genocide inside of Iraq, what he did to Shia populations, to Kurdish populations, actually using weapons of mass destruction.”
As opposed to BushCo., which only uses cluster bombs and depleted uranium on all of the above.
Condi also offered amazing insight as to the intricacies of foreign policy. “Multilateral diplomacy is hard.”
Some people predict that Rice may give classical piano concerts in the future. That’s hard stuff. Me? I’m thinking a hurdy-gurdy and a monkey would better reflect the stellar artistry with which Rice has handled her job.
Both Rice and Cheney, by the by, believe that, if Obama is smart, he’ll follow Bush’s lead in foreign policy. As we all know, repeating the same mistake endlessly is a sign of true geniusoty.
Which leads us, of course, to the Genius-In-Chief who, in the last two weeks has distorted his factual presidential record enough to make Picasso cross-eyed. In other words, same old same old.
While he uses his final weeks in office to merrily whittle away at worker safety, trucker safety, fair wages, health care recipients’ rights, the Endangered Species Act, environmental safety, pollution rules and auctions off a zippy 110,000 acres of Utah, Bush has made a series of public appearances that portray his years in office as an enlightened time – not the 15 Watter we’ve witnessed.
On Fox, he declared: “I didn’t compromise my soul to be a popular guy.” Yeah, the devil took care of that years ago, and he feels like he got screwed.
At one appearance, he was asked what he would miss. ” I’ll miss the petty name-calling — I mean, I won’t miss it. I have been disappointed at times about the politics of personal destruction. It’s not the first time it’s ever happened in our history, but I was just — I came with the idea of changing the tone in Washington, and frankly didn’t do a very good job of it.”
This is like Jack the Ripper complaining about his laundry detergent not removing all the stains on his jacket.
As for his penchant for wire-tapping and torture, Bush pooh-poohed that for Fox. “You know, I know there’s a lot of urban myths about certain decisions I had made. But when the truth comes out and people will say, ‘Oh, I see what he did.’”
And Wes Craven will direct the film version.
Bush, who has repeatedly stated that his efforts in the War on Terror has kept America safe from any mythical attacks following 9/11, told CNN that his memoirs will tell all. “”I would like to share my experiences, and I think it’s going to be important for people to remember what the actual history of my presidency was all about. History tends to shift very rapidly; people forget what the environment in which the decisions were made.”
He capped it all with: “You’ve got to say I’m a little wiser. My knowledge of the world is more profound.”
He now thinks it’s only kind of flat.
As usual, Bush denied culpability for anything, um, less than stellar occurring in the country today, including the current financial collapse. He told ABC: “You know, I’m the President during this period of time, but I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President.”
Um, so that would put place those decisions as part of Bush’s father’s presidency? You know, before Dubya during arrived in President. Nice.
When asked how high unemployment would go during this recession, he deduced: “Too high. I mean, anybody unemployed is too much. And I — I’m not a very good economic forecaster. I do know that we are taking steps to make sure — see, the most difficult thing about this is that a lot of people out there in Main Street wonder why the government is having to act because Wall Street went on a binge. And I’m one, frankly — at first. I was the guy that inartfully said, ‘Wall Street got drunk, and we got a hangover.’
“And on the other hand, though, when you’re the President and somebody says, we better move big, Mr. President, otherwise we could have a depression greater than the Great — we’re moving big. And it is hard for the average citizen to understand how frozen the system became and how over-leveraged the system became. And so what we’re watching is the de-leveraging of our financial markets, which is obviously affecting the growth of the economy.”
I couldn’t have phrased that better myself…unless I was suffering from blunt blow trauma.
Bush, who in the same interview declared loftily, “I keep recognizing we’re in a war against ideological thugs and keeping America safe,” and said that everybody in the world believed the faulty intelligence that led to the occupation of Iraq, summed up his eight year tenure thusly:
“As I said, some times are happy, some not happy. I don’t want people to misconstrue. It’s not — I don’t feel joyful when somebody loses their life, nor do I feel joyful from somebody loses a job. That concerns me. And the President ends up carrying a lot of people’s grief in his soul during a presidency. One of the things about the presidency is you deal with a lot of tragedy — whether it be hurricanes, or tornadoes, or fires, or death — and you spend time being the Comforter-in-Chief. But the idea of being able to serve a nation you love is — has been joyful. In other words, my spirits have never been down. I have been sad, but the spirits are up.”
Since Bush is depending on historians to further sanctify his record, I hope he finds a group that has Pulitzers in fiction, a tolerance for gobbledygook and is paid by the word.
Now, to be fair, Bush loyalists are doing their darnedest to spin his time in office into a glowing historical period, totally ignoring the old “silk purse/sow’s ear” rule of thumb.
And Congressional Republicans are also practicing their pirouettes, trying to convince us all that everything that’s been mishandled is not their fault, that it was Democrats past, present and future who ripped our society asunder.
What they’re not betting on is the fact that, at long last, the American populace is up to passing the all-important “shit from Shinola” test.
This puts the usually non-culpable GOP at a big disadvantage.
A lesson for 2009, GOPers.
If the shoe fits – duck!